"I am a Scientist."

I just stubbed my toe, went “Ow, ohh, ouh, ow, ouh.”  

My wife said, “That doesn’t make it any less painful.”

I said, “Actually it does.  It’s physics.”

My wife, who is not great at physics, said, “That’s my kind of physics.”

Here’s the actual formula. . .

Pain =  Stubbing minus Whining.

You might think my science is suspect, but at least my wife believes in my “scientific methodology.”  

In other things too; for example, she thinks I only buy bananas for experiments - to measure how long they will last before turning black and shriveling up.

But then, she tends to be generous in this regard.

Years ago she was riding in the back of a pickup, in the woods, when an acorn plunked her companion.  “That squirrel really knows physics!” she said.  “It had to aim that acorn taking into account the speed and direction of the car and the trajectory of the acorn to hit you perfectly on the head.”